How the West (rand) was lost.

When I first went to Europe back in ’98 I had a bit of culture shock.

I consider myself pretty well read so it could have been much worse. I always lived outside the box, and during the Apartheid years I took whatever the government said with a huge bucket of salt. My father always said that if something feels wrong then it most probably is. Shooting people and depriving the majority of a decent living, felt wrong, and I hated the Nationalist Party tenfold more, than my contempt for the current league of incompetent fools we call the ANC. But, anyway I’m drifting away from my primary topic of conversation. (As usual)

Europe was an eye opener for me, and if I were able to take at least ten people with me, it would have made my neighbourhood a better place. You see, a small percentage of people on The West Rand are caught in a time warp, and these people are obsessed with a bygone era.

Some men still believe the Mullet is fashionable, even though even I can’t remember that it ever was. Fat women insist on wearing tights, and even though Olivia Newton-John has left the eighties behind and changed her image a long time ago. Certain women on the West Rand just won’t let go. They still have that ridiculous, almost-beehive hairstyle that just looks like crap. Ankle warmers always looked ridiculous and still do. Never mind the over-the-top blue and green trashy makeup, which women still wear.

The thing is; there are places all over the Country (World) where people have difficulty moving on and leaving the ‘good times’ behind, but I’ve only lived on the West Rand so I can’t talk about Germiston or Sasolburg, or other less progressive places in the World. In the West Rand however, these few have turned looking and acting stupid, into an art form.

I grew up in the eighties and enjoyed the club scene as well as the music, but let’s face it, New Romantic suited the times, and the time is gone. I no longer find Yazoo foot stomping good, nor can I tolerate more than 4,5 seconds of Footloose. And if I hear Bette Davis Eyes one more time, I’m moving to a cave. If one more person tells me Steve Hofmeyer is actually a nice person, I’m going to savagely beat them to death. I couldn’t give a shit that he’s a nice person. His music sucks and by ‘Reviving’ (Can’t believe I wrote that!) the music of every crappy musician that ever existed, he’s holding people back from discovering the incredible musical era they live in right now.

As much as I enjoy the music of Led Zeppelin, Dire Straits, Kiss, Metallica, Fleetwood Mac, etc, etc. It does not hold me back from finding new talent every day. You’re not gonna find that by listening to 94.7 or 5FM.
94.7 are holding you back because they’re still caught in the eighties. 5FM has so much Kwaito on the Radio these days, I might as well listen to Kaya Fm.

Okay enough about music.

The West Rand is also the place where people feel comfortable to come and die. The reason for this is two-fold. Firstly, you have three generations stuck in the west. The sixties, the seventies and the eighties people. Very few people move beyond the eighties. Just as a new generation grow up; they’re quickly pulled in, by, whatever era of people can get their hands on them first. They have no time to discover a niche for themselves before they’re dragged down and get stuck in the rut. So it only makes sense that a fifty-year-old man can sit in a pub together with an eighteen year-old, and have a good time. They’re only different in age. Their minds have been closed to progress, and it is a comfort zone they’ll dwell in for the rest of their lives.

The second reason Is the comfort zone; West Rand people don’t get out.
I’m not talking about bikers here by the way. Bikers get out all the time. We travel all over the country to get to Rallies, and we experience different cultures all the time. Bikes and Music are our loves, and we keep up with the times. (Whish I could say the same about their women sometimes)
I don’t have enough fingers and toes to count how many people I’ve met in the west who haven’t been past its boundaries. As funny as the Passport joke (you need one to enter the West Rand) might be to us, it would seem some people take it literally to mean that they should live out their lives within the confines of their immediate neighbourhood.

I remember joking to a friend in the eighties, how Pretoria is 40 kays away from Jo'burg and as many years behind the times. This is no longer the case. Not only is Pretoria/Tswane’s youth, amongst the most liberal in S.A., but they are also sowing the seeds of a hip culture, that’s pulling the younger generation in droves across the ‘border’. They’re experimenting with Music, Sex and Literature in such a free and continental way, that it makes you want to stand up and shout; I’m Alive!

I’ve always said: There is no Progressive thought in The West Rand, and I stand by that.

So get off your fucking ass, and go somewhere!