Don't Stand So Close To Me

The World is getting smaller, and with this ‘our space’ is getting smaller and smaller. We need to exercise tolerance in crowded places, and give people the little space that they require to maintain their individuality.

I believe this to be especially true in the bigger Cities, where people are constantly harassed, pushed and shoved, and herded like cattle. And I’m only talking about the Ladies toilet at the local Mall. Don’t get me started on the queues at the licensing department. The government are intentionally late when they send your new licence disc in the post. I think they like to see us stand in queues, getting irritated with each other. I’m certain they have running bets in the back-office, as to which individual will be the first to have a tantrum fit when he or she reaches the counter.

I would probably do the same, since the ‘clampdown’ on governmental corruption has put a stop to the ‘backhands’ employees receive under the counter. Another plan had to be made to pay the new lounge suite from Ellerines, or the Mercedes Benz JUV (Jacob’s Utility Vehicle).

But, they’re unaware of the consternation they cause to the Chihuahua. You see; I do not enjoy people.

In the past I’ve admitted to having an ingrained hate of stupid people, when in fact, I dislike most People. Because of this shortcoming, I’ve learnt to maintain a space around me, to safeguard ordinary citizens, lest I become irritable when they venture to close. I’m constantly aware of this silly weakness of mine, so every day I take steps to avoid contact, and heaven forbid, conflict with people. Yes, I know it’s sad, but so far it has worked for me, and unbeknownst to many people, it has worked for them as well.

My hate of all things governmental, stems from having to queue every time I have a billing query, or have to pay my car licence. They’re aware of my ‘problem’ as I’ve explained to the lady over the telephone numerous times. All I ask is that they handle my query in person. Just meet me at the nearest coffee shop and we can sort things out in a jiffy. I’ll have my space and you’ll have yours. I’ve even offered to pay for the Coffee and a sandwich if they’re hungry. The lady said that if they do it for me they’d have to do it for everybody. I didn’t get past explaining to her, that I’m not everybody.

Not special, just very different. A vegetarian Tiger maybe.

My Pet Hates. Chapter One

Often I’m told that I’m too impatient, and get upset about the smallest of things.

Yes, I’m guilty as charged. But, I will defend myself and enlighten you on some of the idiots whom I have to thank for my shortcomings.

Firstly, I have a serious problem in Movie houses. Mostly it is because so many deaf people go to watch movies these days.

Please don’t be shocked and start your accusations with crap like bigotry. You’re thinking; how the hell do deaf people watch a movie? They do, and no, it’s not foreign arty stuff where they’re able to read the subtitles.

You explain to me, how there’s so much fuckin noise while you’re trying to concentrate on following the dialogue in a suspense thriller. The fuckin speakers are huge! If there weren’t walls inclosing the damn theatre you’d be able to hear the sound in fuckin Nigeria, for Christ sakes. Yet, the louder the sound, the louder the talking and rustling of chip and sweet packets. What the fuck? You can only think that these moviegoers have to be deaf. How else can they be that inconsiderate to other people around them?

But, just as I think that deaf people are the problem, a cell phone rings, and then another. Deaf people don’t use cell phones. Do they?

I therefore have to surmise, that there are just a shit load of stupid people in the world. How else can you explain three people having a conversation on their cell phones, in a full movie house, while the movie is on? Hey, Hey?

Next… Don’t stand so close to me.

The Great North

Pollution To The South















Pollution To The West















Pollution To The East















And To The North? Sandton, Bryanston, Pretoria.
Mmmm.. Oh yeah, hardly any. I'm sure emmision
levels are strictly inforced. After all, most of our
politicians and fatcats live there.

Workers Rights vs. Animal Rights

As the Security Strike goes into it’s second month of insecurity, I wonder whether the government had any idea what they were letting themselves into, when they decided to include the ‘right to strike’ clause in our constitution.

Let’s face it, it’s one thing to be considered (by the government) to be the most liberal and democratic country in the world, but quite another when you have to balance liberal freedoms against actions that verge on anarchy. The constitution is very clear about the fact that although strike action is legal, it must be conducted in a peaceful manner and within legal parameters.

Yet, every single strike I’ve witnessed on the news or in person had gone beyond anarchic. Thousands upon thousands of strikers roam the streets with total disregard for property or person. Rubbish bins are upended, cars are damaged, windows smashed and buildings vandalised. Certain individuals defecate and piss in the streets and bystanders are taunted for adverse reactions.

What the fuck! I believe you have the right to ask for wage increases or better working conditions if that is what you need to better your productivity and your living standards, but fuck me, do it in a way that reflects the good of a democratic society.

No, strike action shouldn’t be legal. You shouldn’t be allowed to behave like a fuckin animal and damage and destroy property at you or your union’s whim. Who the fuck do you think pays for the damage after you and your cronies have been on strike action? The very fuckin companies that you’re assigned to ‘Secure’.

After all is said and done, the wage increase is negotiated in boardrooms and courts, not on the street, with pick-axes and screaming like fucking animals. If you had to include the damage that the strikers do into the wage negotiations, you wouldn’t get a fuckin raise at all, would you now? But that’s not what the cunts think of when their Unions let them into the streets to behave like animals.

Viva democracy, Viva!