Dear Mr.Leon

You remind me a lot of my girlfriend's daughter. I have to tell her about five times a night to be quiet while I'm watching the news. It's as if she can't hear me, and I've even thought about taking her for a checkup to see if maybe her ears are blocked.

Unless the ANC are discovered to be Aliens from ZIRXIF and eat babies, you must realise that you will never have the majority vote. Your calls to 'disband' smaller parties in favour of larger more influentual parties, like yours, is merely another attempt to boost your inflated ego even more.


However, I am willing to give you my vote in return for a small but very important favour. It is a favour which will change my life, and perhaps even make a few thousand other people's lives better as well. Do not take this request lightly. Should you grant me my favour, I can guarentee you at least another 20 votes as well. I happen to know a small group of people whom are easily swayed in whatever direction I may choose for them to vote.

I ask of you the following favour:

Every morning when I drop my girlfriend off at work, there's this big mamma (Huge) who has a food stall in Robertsville. It looks like a miniature KFC branch. All red and white, with a large white table in front of it with various fruits and goodies arranged on it. It is very difficult to see past Mamma's Place and check for oncoming traffic. This forces me to move into the T-junction in order that I may see if there is traffic approaching. I've had a few near-misses in the past, and I even say a little prayer when I approach the intersection. Can you believe it? Well, I thought maybe you could come around and use a little gentle persuasion to convince her to move to Krugersdorp, or somewhere else that's also nice. I suggest asking your 'heavies' to accompany you, just in case you need to move her, but that's entirely up to you.

Her absence will put me in a wonderful mood, and then I don't have to take my displeasure out on the rest of the traffic on the way to work. Do you see how my mood can influence a few thousand people on the road? If I piss just two people off in traffic and they piss off another two.. I'm sure you get the picture. Kind of like the 'Butterfly Effect'.

By the way, I might need two papsakke to sway the other 20 people I mentioned earlier. You don't have to worry about going out on a limb for them. They're quite happy as they are. They sleep outdoors in our local park. When they need a number one, they just use the stream, and a number two is a small walk to the nearest Willow tree, which are so beautiful and green this time of year. Don't you think?

I thank you in advance. And good luck with the elections.

Yours Sincerely
Warrior Dog

Maxi Taxi

Dear Mr. President III

Dear Mr. President,

My honest congratulations.

You’re going to pull it off once again.
Mostly through the last ten or so years, you’ve been flying by the seat of your pants. You must be on a personal high after securing your position in the government. By ways and means I might add, most would think rather dishonest. Further more, you couldn’t possibly be proud of the fact that you’re captive audiences are mostly uneducated, poor blacks with only the Lotto dreams to keep them going day by day.

I am well aware that since your government has come into power, that much has improved with regards to uplifting the disadvantaged masses, even if most of it was through means of promises and lies. I also understand that you are under constant threat to be discovered, but I'm sure that the longer you stay in power, the longer it will be before your people realise that yours, is but a short term plan. Sadly only your follower’s grandchildren are going to discover the true depth of your deceit.

And you’re not fooling me with the Road Works’ guys that clean our pavements once every election.

Before I forget. I see you have a PLAN this year. Wow! I am shivering with anticipation.

Enjoy your front seat while the scenario plays itself out. We can only pray that it will not last.

Yours Truly
Warrior Dog

Money for Nothing...

I mentioned some time ago how I get pissed off with the Cops and their fuckin peak-hour Roadblocks. Well it's still happening, and I believe with the regional elections drawing near, these roadblocks are set to increase as proof to the masses that our pathetic government is dealing with 'stuff'. I say stuff because no-one really knows what the fuck the government is up to, besides having expensive flights to expensive and extravagant destinations.
Just love our esteemed Vice flying 160km's for a 13minute handshake. That won't even give me enough time to jack up a ciggie for fuck sakes!

The other thing I have to laugh about is how Mbeki says we need to make local government work better... From my experience, I think the posters should have read " Let's make local government work". That's it, klaar gepraat.
Only by getting off their fat arses and showing some pride in their work, can things improve.

The fuckers were out in force again at the Crown Interchange. Most of them were doing just plain fuckall, while others were harassing home-going citizens, for what I can just imagine to be needless crap. Why else would you pull off a brand-new Hyundai Getz with an elderly lady in it?

To make matters worse, twenty metres down the road from the cops, we have a illegal roadside trader selling his wares in full view.

Political Dogs: Some People Don't Understand Bikers

Political Dogs: Some People Don't Understand Bikers

I'll have the chicken in a doggie bag, please...

I understand that the Property market is in a boom period at the moment, and even with a slight drop expected by analysts, the current value of homes and property will remain constant. So it is then expected that Agents are bound to be a bit blasé when dealing with your average-Joe. But for Fuck sakes, they expect me to pay R4000.00 to R5000.00 a month for a run-down 2-bedroom, 1 bathroom house in a low-income neighbourhood? Fuck them! Nevermind that we were renting to buy and had R450 000.00 to spend. And on top of that they give me attitude, and look down on me as if I should be looking at the shack-market in Dobsonville. Personally, I think that if a person can afford to spend R5000.00 a month on a house in rent, he's rich. So fuck'em. I'll buy or rent on the private market and they can bullshit their commission out of someone else.

The service industry in South Africa have been yanking my dick for too long and I've started hitting back. In my mind the service industry comprises of any business or individual fucker who I'm paying good money to for giving me something. Be It a restaurant, or the chap on the corner from whom I get my newspaper.
Some time back (Okay, a long time back) I treated myself to a meal at a top restaurant in Sandton. To cut a long story short, I ordered a bottle of Alto Rouge (dry red wine), and when the waiter brought the bottle it had already been opened and it was warm. I told him that I wanted him to serve me the bottle closed and at a cooler temperature thank you very fuckin much. I've been in the Bar and Restaurant trade on and off for at least as long as I've been out of school. I know that waiters will take any chance they can get with food or drinks that are returned for whatever reason, so I wasn't gonna let this fucker play me for a sucker. But, this numbskull was gonna go out of his way to test my fuckin patience, as I was to find out through the evening. I'm busy checking out the menu and the dickhead returns with a used cork stuck into the bottle, and it's still warm.
I looked at him, I looked at the bottle. waiting for what I hoped was gonna be a teasing smile and a 'just kidding, your wine's cooling down' or something, but this fucker was dead serious. I put up my hand and told him to wait while I mentally counted to twenty. Then I very patiently and slowly mouthed my words asking him If he had listened to what I had requested. He stammered a bit trying to tell me that it was the last bottle of that particular wine they had, and that it was returned from a table just an hour ago, untouched and perfectly fine. I was fuckin stunned. There was this waiter hardly trying, with even the remotest and smallest of lies, to smooth me over. He just blabbered it straight out. It was almost as If it had been he's intention to get me out of there before I had even eaten a starter. I asked him why the fuck he didn't tell me so that I could order something else. He just shrugged his shoulders and asked me If I wanted something else. Now, this Is normally a situation where my brain goes into over-drive, and I either smack someone till they beg me to stop, or devise plans by which to get my own back. Thankfully for this fucker, my brain switched into devious mode, and I got ready to 'play the game'. I calmly asked him for the wine list again and proceeded to order the most expensive bottle of wine. I then ordered a salmon starter and a seafood platter. At the time it was the most expensive on the menu. I mentally calculated that my bill would come to at least Three Hundred Rand.
After my order it seemed that the waiter was a bit friendlier and more helpful. Probably sensing that I wasn't that bad after all, and that he may even be in for a good tip.
I drank half the bottle waiting for my meal, and had all of the Salmon. As he returned to the kitchen with my empty plate, I stood up and walked out and went to Fontana Chicken, where I proceeded to have two chicken rolls and a Coke. I couldn't stop smiling. Do you know how difficult it is to eat while your grin is causing your jaw to ache with pain?

What I'm saying is that it's time to hit back. Sure, some of you just won't go back to that joint. I say; make sure you leave them a message, so that the next waiter, salesman or whom-ever, will think twice about fucking with a customer. And to top it off you tell everybody you know, or even pass by in the street, how the place sucks.

Welcome back from holiday you fuckers!