The dog, Ice-cream and Wet dreams.

I'm convinced my dog is conscious of the world around him, and knows exactly what I'm saying or doing.
Everytime I do something that interrupts 'Black-time' , something goes wrong. Last night I left the Ice-cream on the kitchen table to soften a bit, and continued to play with Black. About an hour later my phone rang. You should know that Black get's seriously pissed off when my phone rings longer than necessary. He either starts howling, or bails out of the room. I went outside to speak, and was busy for quite a while. When I returned to the kitchen after my call, the ice-cream was all over the floor, and Black was merrily licking it all up. There was nothing I could do. There's no way I was gonna pick it up and eat it. So I just let Black at it.
A while ago I left my supper on the table, and popped out to the cafe to get some Coke. When I returned Black had eaten everything. I ended up having Hot dogs for supper.
He watches every move I make, just waiting for the opportunity to make me aware of my stuff-ups. Or sometimes, he just does things to test my patience. I leave the door open for him the whole time before I go to bed. He has the freedom to go for a leak, or walk as he pleases. The moment I close up, and get into bed, he will get up and go and scratch at the door to be let out. It's annoying, and I think he does it out of spite.
At crucial times during a Need4Speed race, he'd just walk straight past, snagging the control, and there goes my car, flying into crapstreet. Other times he'd lie flat on the control-wire and I'd have to shift right to the edge of my seat to continue. And I'm sure I can hear him snigger, or see him sneer sardonically out of the corner of my eye.
The other thing Black does is weird. He has wet dreams. I'm not kidding! At least once every week or so, I find him on his couch, curled up into the smallest ball, 'going at it'. In the past I tried to make him stop, but that's just not possible. He's humping away with this look on his mug, while his body contorts and jerks away. Now what I do, is take this opportunity to get back at him for the times that he pisses me off. I'd put some leftovers in front of him, and taunt him to eat it. Or walk out the door and call him with cheery happy sounds. The poor dog is disabled. He can't stand or even acknowledge what's going on around him. When he eventually manages to get up(Still jerking), he goes straight for biting my ankles, as if getting me back for mocking him.
Dogs, you gotta love 'em.